Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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