I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You need a sexual gate keeper
me + whiskey = a bad person
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
