just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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