He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
