I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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