I'm really into asian looking animals
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
