Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
