is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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