ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize