do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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