That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
