I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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