I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
