You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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