i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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