He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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