if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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