Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize