So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
be right there i have to get my cape
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
