Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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