yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
