The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize