im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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