I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
