If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
