Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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