dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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