but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
