Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
