OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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