he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
