Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
