I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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