I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
