there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
