Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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