everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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