best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I touched a dick in church today
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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