even my farts smell like vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
