Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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