If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That accounts for only three of the penises
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
