I can tuck mytits in my pants
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
