I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
