So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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