Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
