If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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