If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
