my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
