I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
