why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
