nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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