bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
