just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
