I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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