i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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