Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
