He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
