You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
