yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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