Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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