Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
