Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drake has all the answers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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