i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
