So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
