Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
