I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
