i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize