So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
