Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
