You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
